First of all, there's no need for envy, OK? So what if Wednesday's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final is another in a civic pile-up of championship games for Boston this millennium?
So what if it leads to Boston's next title, as well as its next celebration, next duck-boat parade, next ring ceremony and next round of smugness from the Bostonian in your office?
No one in the South Florida should feel jealous simply because our biggest game of consequence lately was "Jeopardy" with James Holzhauer.
Winning like Boston has its drawbacks for fans, as any good sports therapist will tell you. It's like Bill Gates making another billion or Joey Chestnut chugging his 37th hot dog. Don't you think the enjoyment decreases at some point?
Won't a 14th Boston championship in 18 years barely move its needle?
See, that's the mindset to get through this, especially if you're feeling nauseous by the specter of yet another Boston championship. There is more:
_The duck boats need constant oil changes from parade overuse.
_That's not a scowl on Bill Belichick's face. It's a realization his next meaningful football game isn't until January.
_Think of this generation of Boston children. Spoiled rotten. Always getting their way. Never knowing how to deal with failure. Plus they're so sleep-deprived and under-schooled from being allowed to stay up for the nightly playoff game that the coming years look to be a struggle.
_You can get a vicarious thrill in South Florida. Half the new Dolphins, for instance, went to New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft's home last Thursday to get their Super Bowl rings. And you get to laugh at the New York Jets this offseason in the same manner this offseason the Patriots are laughing at the Jets ... and the Buffalo Bills ... and, yeah, the Dolphins.
_You don't even know the name of the Bruins coach, so what do you care if he wins a title?
_The Boston teams finish so high they never get to the anticipatory rush of a top-10 pick on draft night because ... what? The Celtics have had two No. 3 picks in the past three years? Well, then ...
_The championship parade has become bo-o-o-oring. It was fun the first dozen times, especially when Rob Gronkowski was dancing. But the traffic is a problem, police overtime is costly and there's talk of selling season parade tickets they're such a part of the Boston sports schedule.
_The classic children's book set in the Boston Commons, "Make Way for Ducklings," has been re-written as a parade primer called, "Make Way for Duck Boats."
_The so-called Boston Slam didn't happen. That's what they were calling the chance to hold all four major team sports titles in one season after the Red Sox and Patriots won. It was lost when the Celtics lost in the second round of the playoffs, which, yeah, is as far as only the Heat have reached among South Florida teams in the past five years.
_The pain of being a Red Sox fan found in the cult sports movie, "Fever Pitch," is foreign to the current scene. The tension is gone. It might as well be a Disney movie where every ending is happy.
_It's not all trophies and parades for Boston this millennium. They suffered horribly through an NBA Finals loss, a Stanley Cup Final loss and three Super Bowl losses.
_French Open winners Ashleigh Barty (Australian) and Rafael Nadal (Spanish) shut out Boston there.
_Think of how warm you'll feel when, say, the Dolphins actually win the Super Bowl. All those years of suffering. All those decades of pain. All those lifetimes without winning - well, not your lifetime with any luck.
To that end, eat well, exercise regularly, take your vitamins and keep your blood pressure in check and don't watch Boston's latest championship game on Wednesday night.
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