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Slime

Green sludge.

What is this?

Green Sludge

I read on April second

the front-page news story,

accompanied by a picture

both odd and gory.

***

Investigating detectives

were all rather stumped

about some strange green ooze

that on the street had been dumped.

***

An alarming aspect

left detectives without words,

for trapped inside the green sludge

were twelve dead starling birds.

***

The biohazard unit

first cordoned off the scene.

In full protective suits

they took samples of “the green”.

***

They used electric probes

to test conductivity,

and filled tubes and vials

to test reactivity.

***

They used an analyzer

to test for toxic smells,

and took samples to be viewed

as microscopic cells.

***

Next, to the birds,

investigators gave attention.

They removed them from the goo

with a claw extension.

***

Preliminary findings showed

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the birds were long dead.

In their feathers were paint flecks;

all of them were barn red.

***

Also in the feathers

were sheep droppings and grass hay.

At that point I stopped reading,

looked up and said, “No way!”

***

I jumped in my pickup

and drove out to my friend’s place.

He came out to greet me

with a sly grin on his face.

***

For a sheep rancher,

he had a keen sense of humor.

I said, “Can you put to rest

this newspaper rumor?”

***

Two weeks ago you told me

about some birds you found,

beat against the barn by the wind

and dead on the ground.

***

“Jim, is there a chance

that this very elaborate hoax

is the next chapter

in your book of practical jokes?”

***

He said, “Lots of fun can be had

by a plain fellow,

who has twelve dead birds…

and five gallons of lime Jell-o!”

***

Dominic "Flominic" Farrenkopf

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