Green sludge.

What is this?

Green Sludge

I read on April second

the front-page news story,

accompanied by a picture

both odd and gory.


Investigating detectives

were all rather stumped

about some strange green ooze

that on the street had been dumped.


An alarming aspect

left detectives without words,

for trapped inside the green sludge

were twelve dead starling birds.


The biohazard unit

first cordoned off the scene.

In full protective suits

they took samples of “the green”.


They used electric probes

to test conductivity,

and filled tubes and vials

to test reactivity.


They used an analyzer

to test for toxic smells,

and took samples to be viewed

as microscopic cells.


Next, to the birds,

investigators gave attention.

They removed them from the goo

with a claw extension.


Preliminary findings showed

You have free articles remaining.

Become a Member

the birds were long dead.

In their feathers were paint flecks;

all of them were barn red.


Also in the feathers

were sheep droppings and grass hay.

At that point I stopped reading,

looked up and said, “No way!”


I jumped in my pickup

and drove out to my friend’s place.

He came out to greet me

with a sly grin on his face.


For a sheep rancher,

he had a keen sense of humor.

I said, “Can you put to rest

this newspaper rumor?”


Two weeks ago you told me

about some birds you found,

beat against the barn by the wind

and dead on the ground.


“Jim, is there a chance

that this very elaborate hoax

is the next chapter

in your book of practical jokes?”


He said, “Lots of fun can be had

by a plain fellow,

who has twelve dead birds…

and five gallons of lime Jell-o!”


Dominic "Flominic" Farrenkopf